To each, His own.

My SAHM/WM post continues to draw attention. I received a comment from a woman that I think is noteworthy. Her comment read as follows:

hey there Corrina ... here's a thought: I have no opinion on what's more fulfilling, being a SAHM or a WM. Because I'm neither. I've chosen NOT to procreate because I want to spend my life doing other things. So why does EVERY mom and dad I know tell me that I'm not getting any younger, I better step on it, I better have children before its too late, and refuse to take me seriously when I tell them I love their kids, I just don't want any of my own? It's easy for you to say "hey if you want a career, don't have kids" ... but society places tremendous judgment on the child free. Just FYI.

I emailed a direct response to her but wanted to share it with the class. It read as follows:

You're so right. My parents have some friends who have chosen to remain childless and it took until they were damn near fifty for folks to get that they actually didn't want to have any children!! Both of these couples have very fulfilling and exciting lives, terrific careers, and incredibly solid marriages. I wish the very same for you! Zack and I only want to have one child and, similar to what's happening to you, no one believes us! We get an amazing amount of "Oh, you'll change your mind." and "Oh, Maeve's going to need a sibling!" I find it all very patronizing. I'm an only child and I'm confident I didn't suffer for it. I suppose the bottom line is that, for whatever pathological reason, people vehemently think that they know best; that their way is the only way. I never expected for this post be such a fart in the bath. Perhaps we'll all learn a little, tiny lesson in "To each, his own."

Thanks for your comment. Your blog is great. I'll definitely keep reading.

Warmest regards from the Midwest,
Corrina

Maeve and Mom at Jersey Junction

 
 

Maeve and Mom

 
 

Maeve's Cannoli Day outfit: Italian & Irish - Pasta & Potatoes

 
 

Cannoli day begins...

 
 

Tiny and the Dough

 
 

Cannoli Boss, hard at work

 
 

The adorable duo: Jayden and Reese

 
 

Ridiculously cute Reese Shelton

 
 

Sheltons and Militos

 
 

Left Behind... I hope.

WARNING:  I suspect I am  about to offend some folks.  I am celebrating my right as an American to speak freely.  You have been warned.  

I was watching one of the national morning shows today while nursing Maeve before her nap.  I was introduced to Jerry Jenkins and Tim LaHaye, the authors of the Left Behind series of… stuff.  So here we have the Good Cop-Bad Cop version of evangelical Christians.  Tim LaHaye looks a bit like George Hamilton with strange colored, sprayed hair.  He is the “You’re all going to HELL!!!” Bad Cop while Jenkins is a mild mannered, young-Santa type who declares his understanding of those who will not agree with him.  He is the Good Cop; he appeals to the younger, more self-conscious Christian, while crazy Ol’ LaHaye is wrangling in the ultraconservative thumpers.  What a lovely balance.   I found the whole thing quite distressing.  

Look, my problem isn’t the popularity of some fictional books based loosely on the Christian scripture.  My problem is that we live in a society where an overwhelming percentage of the population is so junked up and watered down that their faith is heavily wrapped up in novels about the apocalypse and Mel Gibson movies!!  It’s interpretation at best but closer to fiction, people!  Like Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings!  Good versus evil!  Superman, Star Wars!  Teenage Mutant freakin’ Ninja Turtles!!  
So I looked at the Left Behind website.  I expected to see a prolific amount of marketing for the ‘Best Selling Series.’  Oh no.  What I saw was a website claiming the apocalypse and fate of all those who don’t find salvation.  They offer a compendium to the books to help the poor, ignorant reader.  Here’s a quote: In this reader-friendly resource, two respected theologians respond to recent attacks on Left Behind's interpretation of Bible prophecy, providing clear historical and biblical support for specific end-times events described in the novels. Gain a deeper appreciation of these phenomenal bestsellers—and a deeper understanding of earth's cataclysmic final days!
As I continued my creepy link hopping, I wandered onto a prayer board.  I read some of the most self-serving, egocentric rubbish I’ve ever seen.  “Help me loose weight.”  “Help me find a boyfriend.”  “Why doesn’t she like me anymore?”  Drivel.  And then I happened upon the Kids’ area of the Left Behind website.  In this section the authors claim to have the answers to the following questions:

1. What will happen when Jesus returns?


2. How will God take care of things on earth during the end times?


3. What will heaven be like?

Here’s another fabulous quote:  Children will find great encouragement in knowing about the promises of Jesus' return, the timeline for last–days events, their home in heaven, and all the great things God has waiting for them in the future.  

Great encouragement?  How ‘bout hellacious nightmares!!  I expect I’ll have nightmares about Doctor LaHaye!

This past weekend we went to my in-laws’ for their annual family and friends get-together, Cannoli Day.    It’s a great family tradition.  Everyone gathers to make Grandma Rose’s cannoli, using her old boards and rollers, etc.  Tons of food, about a hundred people.  Lots of fun.  My father-in-law rises at five or six in the morning and begins preparing the cannoli dough.  As we’re chatting over coffee, he tells me to avoid the subject of Maeve’s Christening or baptism or whatever.  We’re not having either.  Why would we?  I’m an atheist and Zack is a very vague, shaky, non-practicing, former Catholic.    Tiny, my father-in-law, suggested that if anyone ask about it, I lie.  How very Christian.  I asked my mother-in-law if it was really important to her that we have Maeve baptized.  She said she wished I would just do it for the sake of appearances.  I told her that would be an affront to her religion and that I wanted no part of that.  I told her I was not prepared to make that kind of decision for Maeve.  If she wants to be baptized when she’s old enough to decide for herself, then I will support her thoroughly.  To my great disappointment, no one asked about it.  I was ready.  Perhaps that’s why no one asked.  

Day to Night Barbie

I read a blog yesterday written by two women called The Blog of Working Mother Guilt. One particular entry has filled my thoughts ever since.

The post read:

Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Do you ever get the feeling that stay-at-home moms look upon you with disdain?


I’ve been thinking at great length about this. How do I feel about working moms and how do I feel about being a stay-at-home-er?

The short answer is, I pretty much hate everybody but I’m willing to dig into this a bit further.

The truth is, contrary to what I commented on the nice women’s blog, that I do tend to judge working mothers harshly. Truth be told, I very much believe that staying home with her children is a woman’s most critical obligation and occupation. Truth be told, I very much believe that if one’s career is priority then one shouldn’t have any children. I feel the very same way about breastfeeding but that’s an entirely different argument.

It really pisses me off that a working mother would say that being at home would bore her to death. I keep a clean and tidy house; my family eats a home-cooked lunch and dinner everyday, including the baby who has never eaten anything out of a can, jar, bottle, or box; my pets are happy; my husband is happy; I am happy; my child lacks no attention or interaction, rarely cries, and is developmentally ahead of schedule. We have a nice social network that involves both married couples, single men and woman, families with children and those without. I read a great deal, both to myself and to Maeve. I usually only watch television in the evenings unless there’s something terribly interesting on Oprah or Phil. I don’t spend family time cleaning the house or doing the laundry. We spend quite a bit of time outdoors. We go to the zoo, museums, parks, and friends’ homes. And quite frankly, I can’t remember the last time I was bored. In fact, I would love to have time to be bored.

And it’s not like I gave up a job as a checkout girl to become a homemaker. I left a six figure income to do this. I was very good at my job and I got a great deal of satisfaction out of it. It’s not as if this staying at home thing was the easy way out of a miserable, dead end job. I was the bread winner until Maeve was born. We sold a house, we bought a used car, we downsized by fifty grand in this new house. I clip coupons. We don’t eat out. I buy Maeve’s clothes on ebay and at Once Upon a Child. We got rid of cable. I got a library card so I’d stop spending so much on books and Zack would stop spending so much on movies. We made a ton of sacrifices to make this happen.

So yes, I do look at working mothers’ with some disdain. But only because they say things like “Oh, I’d be bored to death” and “I’d feel so unfulfilled.” So my disdain is reactionary. But perhaps I should feel pity. I’m not filled with guilt. I’m not exhausted. I’m lucky… and broke, of course.

A little advice...

Pregos:

1. The generic version of liquid Mylanta tastes better than the brand name.
2. No one’s pregnancy will be exactly like yours, especially your mother-in-law’s.
3. At around seven months along, let your husband move to the guestroom. If you do it right, this could be the best months of sleep you ever get in your life.
4. Lots of gross things will happen to you during your pregnancy. Be prepared for anything.
5. Stop reading those damn pregnancy books!
6. Go into your delivery with an open mind… Leave room for bending in your birth plan but do everything you can to avoid a c-section.
7. If your husband doesn’t rub your back and/or feet every night of your entire pregnancy divorce him at once and find someone who will.
8. If you don’t have a good relationship with your mom, fix it. You’ll need her. Bad.
9. The last few weeks of your pregnancy might suck. Don’t wish them away. As soon as your baby is born you’re going to wish you could shove her back in just long enough for you to eat a sandwich and take a crap.
10. If you want to start your labor, don’t drink castor oil or eat a whole pizza or whatever the old wives’ tales suggest. Do the following:

• Sell your house
• Buy a new house
• Pack up your old house and move all your shit to your new house
• Clean the carpets at your old house
• Unpack your new house
• Move your piano, then change your mind and move it back
• Proceed with labor

New Mommies:

1. If you’re planning on breastfeeding, plan on bullying the lactation consultants at the hospital. Do whatever you can to dominate their time. Who cares about the other patients!!
2. Stay in the hospital as long as they’ll let you. It’s way better than your house.
3. Get a lumbar pillow for your glider or rocker. You’re gonna spend a lot of time in it.
4. Learn how to properly swaddle your baby.
5. Be cautious when buying generic diaper wipes. Remember the difference between real toilet paper and school toilet paper?
6. Babies cry… a LOT. Crying peaks around five to seven weeks. You can pretty much count on week six sucking ass.
7. Figure out how to tolerate your hair without drying it.
8. Just eat. What you had for dinner last night is not giving her gas. Well, maybe it is but everything will. Her tummy will work itself out in a few weeks regardless of what you eat. So just eat, damn it.
9. If you cry everyday for eight weeks, its post partum depression. Now wipe your face and call your doctor and get some Prozac. Go on. Everything will be fine.
10. Everyone told me that by six months motherhood would be incredibly. During the first three months, every day seemed like an eternity. I’d never make it. Those first three months were really hard. But now we’re at six months and it really is the best job I’ve ever had. I really like her.

Seven bucks well spent

Although she only wore it for about an hour, Maeve’s Halloween costume was, in my opinion, a ridiculously fantastic success….

The world's cutest peapod

 

Peapod

 

Peapod

 

Peapod