Day to Night Barbie
I read a blog yesterday written by two women called The Blog of Working Mother Guilt. One particular entry has filled my thoughts ever since.
The post read:
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Do you ever get the feeling that stay-at-home moms look upon you with disdain?
I’ve been thinking at great length about this. How do I feel about working moms and how do I feel about being a stay-at-home-er?
The short answer is, I pretty much hate everybody but I’m willing to dig into this a bit further.
The truth is, contrary to what I commented on the nice women’s blog, that I do tend to judge working mothers harshly. Truth be told, I very much believe that staying home with her children is a woman’s most critical obligation and occupation. Truth be told, I very much believe that if one’s career is priority then one shouldn’t have any children. I feel the very same way about breastfeeding but that’s an entirely different argument.
It really pisses me off that a working mother would say that being at home would bore her to death. I keep a clean and tidy house; my family eats a home-cooked lunch and dinner everyday, including the baby who has never eaten anything out of a can, jar, bottle, or box; my pets are happy; my husband is happy; I am happy; my child lacks no attention or interaction, rarely cries, and is developmentally ahead of schedule. We have a nice social network that involves both married couples, single men and woman, families with children and those without. I read a great deal, both to myself and to Maeve. I usually only watch television in the evenings unless there’s something terribly interesting on Oprah or Phil. I don’t spend family time cleaning the house or doing the laundry. We spend quite a bit of time outdoors. We go to the zoo, museums, parks, and friends’ homes. And quite frankly, I can’t remember the last time I was bored. In fact, I would love to have time to be bored.
And it’s not like I gave up a job as a checkout girl to become a homemaker. I left a six figure income to do this. I was very good at my job and I got a great deal of satisfaction out of it. It’s not as if this staying at home thing was the easy way out of a miserable, dead end job. I was the bread winner until Maeve was born. We sold a house, we bought a used car, we downsized by fifty grand in this new house. I clip coupons. We don’t eat out. I buy Maeve’s clothes on ebay and at Once Upon a Child. We got rid of cable. I got a library card so I’d stop spending so much on books and Zack would stop spending so much on movies. We made a ton of sacrifices to make this happen.
So yes, I do look at working mothers’ with some disdain. But only because they say things like “Oh, I’d be bored to death” and “I’d feel so unfulfilled.” So my disdain is reactionary. But perhaps I should feel pity. I’m not filled with guilt. I’m not exhausted. I’m lucky… and broke, of course.
The post read:
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Do you ever get the feeling that stay-at-home moms look upon you with disdain?
I’ve been thinking at great length about this. How do I feel about working moms and how do I feel about being a stay-at-home-er?
The short answer is, I pretty much hate everybody but I’m willing to dig into this a bit further.
The truth is, contrary to what I commented on the nice women’s blog, that I do tend to judge working mothers harshly. Truth be told, I very much believe that staying home with her children is a woman’s most critical obligation and occupation. Truth be told, I very much believe that if one’s career is priority then one shouldn’t have any children. I feel the very same way about breastfeeding but that’s an entirely different argument.
It really pisses me off that a working mother would say that being at home would bore her to death. I keep a clean and tidy house; my family eats a home-cooked lunch and dinner everyday, including the baby who has never eaten anything out of a can, jar, bottle, or box; my pets are happy; my husband is happy; I am happy; my child lacks no attention or interaction, rarely cries, and is developmentally ahead of schedule. We have a nice social network that involves both married couples, single men and woman, families with children and those without. I read a great deal, both to myself and to Maeve. I usually only watch television in the evenings unless there’s something terribly interesting on Oprah or Phil. I don’t spend family time cleaning the house or doing the laundry. We spend quite a bit of time outdoors. We go to the zoo, museums, parks, and friends’ homes. And quite frankly, I can’t remember the last time I was bored. In fact, I would love to have time to be bored.
And it’s not like I gave up a job as a checkout girl to become a homemaker. I left a six figure income to do this. I was very good at my job and I got a great deal of satisfaction out of it. It’s not as if this staying at home thing was the easy way out of a miserable, dead end job. I was the bread winner until Maeve was born. We sold a house, we bought a used car, we downsized by fifty grand in this new house. I clip coupons. We don’t eat out. I buy Maeve’s clothes on ebay and at Once Upon a Child. We got rid of cable. I got a library card so I’d stop spending so much on books and Zack would stop spending so much on movies. We made a ton of sacrifices to make this happen.
So yes, I do look at working mothers’ with some disdain. But only because they say things like “Oh, I’d be bored to death” and “I’d feel so unfulfilled.” So my disdain is reactionary. But perhaps I should feel pity. I’m not filled with guilt. I’m not exhausted. I’m lucky… and broke, of course.
posted by Corrina & Zack at 2:00 PM
5 Comments:
Not everyone's as fortunate as you are, I guess.
Dear Dancing Crow,
A working mom who says she'd be bored at home is NOT insulting stay-at-home moms. She is saying that she, herself, would be bored, out of sorts, and ineffective if she stayed at home. I personally have a great deal of respect for anyone who stays home all day with his or her children. It is an extremely demanding job.
And just so you know, This particular "Little Missus Too Bored to Stay Home" does a LOT at home: I get the kids ready for bed with baths, reading etc., manage the family finances, do household repairs, cook meals in tandem with my husband, do all doctor and medical appointments, take out the trash, transport kids to and from daycare and "playdates" (a word I loathe), sing songs with the kids, go for walks, and I say "Screw It" to vacuuming on a regular basis.
There are more important things in life.
Apparently both types of mother is unhappy with their lot in one way or another, or they wouldn't waste their precious time sniping at each other on the internet. Instead they'd be off enjoying their totally fulfilling lives. Methinks you both doth protest to much.
Wow... some blog controversy! Jen, Dancing Crow is a man, so take that for what it's worth. To Anonymous, you big brave comment leaver, although my blog is in fact public, I use this venue as a place to process my thoughts. I'm not sniping at anybody. Writing in my blog is PART of my fulfilling life, not an escape from it. If you are so confident in your opinion, then me thinks one should reveal oneself.
hey there Corrina ... here's a thought: I have no opinion on what's more fulfilling, being a SAHM or a WM. Because I'm neither. I've chosen NOT to procreate because I want to spend my life doing other things.
So why does EVERY mom and dad I know tell me that I'm not getting any younger, I better step on it, I better have children before its too late, and refuse to take me seriously when I tell them I love their kids, I just don't want any of my own?
It's easy for you to say "hey if you want a career, don't have kids" ... but society places tremendous judgment on the child free.
Just FYI.
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