It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood....

Maeve and I were cuddling in her bed this morning, nursing and listening to NPR. The broadcaster was discussing how this year marks the 40th anniversary of the PBS classic, Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, one of Maeve's favorites. The piece included an audio clip of Fred Rogers from the show. At the sound of his melodic voice, Maeve sat straight up in bed and said, "What? What?!?! Is that Mr. Rogers on the radio?!?! I think it is! Mommy! I need to watch Mr. Rogers right now!!" I laughed so hard she asked me if I was okay.

She proceeded to have two bowls of oatmeal while watching Mr. Rogers and Mr. McFeally playing miniature golf.

And to those of you sweet folks who have sent me personal emails and called regarding the current status of my girl-parts, thank you so much. So far, I'm still in one piece. My L.E.E.P. procedure is scheduled Friday March 7th so if anyone spots any fabulous socks between now and then, let me know.

Bad Customer Cervix

A couple of months ago, I headed to the OB/GYN for the dreaded annual exam. It's the same old shit every year, isn't it, ladies? I really like my doctor, though, so I always wear fun socks for my exams. After all, all he gets to see is my vagina and my socks so I figure I have to do my part to spice it up a bit. This year, as it was around Christmas, I wore blue and white striped socks with ice-skating reindeer. Nice, huh? He thanked me. He's a nice man. Anyway, all goes according to plan on the day of the exam. A week or so later I came home to a message on the machine from Dr. Feeney. "Nothing serious, just give me a call tomorrow around eleven." Nice. Love the suspense. So, the next day I called and he explained that my pap came back showing a type II abnormality. Apparently pap smears are graded type I through type V, type I being normal, type V being the 'Big C'. According to that scale, type II is no big deal, really. Dr. Feeney prescribed a medication designed to eradicate a very common cause of abnormal paps and asked me to come in for a follow-up pap in a couple of weeks.

If left untreated, 65% of abnormal paps in the type II or III range return to normal on their own. Thanks to the 35% party poopers, no gynecologist on earth will let an abnormality go, of course.

So I went back in for my second pap. This time I wore bright pink socks with neon green and silver sparkly Christmas trees. Again, Feeney gave me a perfect ten for presentation. This time he found a vascular spot on my cervix which he cauterized (much less dramatic than it sounds) and explained that the vascular tissue could certainly have caused an abnormal reading while being a totally benign issue. I left his office feeling pretty good. A few days later, I called for the results. Not good. The pap was still abnormal, still type II.

This past Monday I returned for a colposcopy, a giant vagina microscope. Fun, right? So I arrived, with my darling husband in toe, on Monday morning for the Great Vagina Experiment wearing snow white socks featuring dozens of brightly colored conversation hearts touting Valentine's messages. Appropriate? Probably not. Anyway, during the colposcopy Dr. Feeney found some fluid filled cysts on my cervix which are normal and harmless but, again, can cause abnormal results. Upon further inspection, however, he found two areas of white epithelium. That's bad news. White epithelium is a symptom of cervical dysplasia, the precursor for cervical cancer. He biopsied both areas, naturally, and I left the office with the same instructions; call on Thursday around eleven.

So today is Thursday. One of the two areas that were biopsied returned no evidence of disease. The other area, however, showed moderate to severe dysplasia which basically denotes very naughty cells. As there is no traditional 'Time Out' for naughty cervical cells, these guys have to be removed. How, you ask? Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure, or LEEP, as it is known to its close friends. The cervix is numbed with local anesthetic then, using a wire loop and a low level of electricity, the tissue is excised from the effected area and is sent off for further testing. The idea is to eliminate all the naughty cells so the well-behaved cells to go back to playing quietly together.

Very exciting, no?? So, in defiance of my faulty vagina, tonight I made gorgeous, silky, rich mashed potatoes with butter, evaporated milk, a dump-truck's load of salt, and scallions along side bone-in pork chops, dredged in seasoned white flour, then bathed in an egg wash WITH yolk, then forcibly pressed into seasoned white breadcrumbs and fresh grated parm, then FRIED IN BUTTER AND OIL. Take that, dysplasia!

I'm not sure how a high fat dinner is really sticking it to a bad pap but I surely felt better after I ate it......

Skivies

One never realizes just how ratty her undergarments are until she is getting dressed in the locker room at the YMCA and emphatically races to get her yoga pants on in order to cover up her faded, ratty, stretched-out, threadbare Hello Kitty drawers before some unsuspecting member rounds the corner and sees this disgraceful display.

I should really throw some stuff away....

Welcome to 2006

Sorry I’ve been so delinquent lately with blogging. I truly respect those who blog daily…. Here are some shots of Maeve over Christmas vacation in Colorado.

Happy New Year!!!

Everything I needed to know, I most certainly didn't learn in Kindergarten.

I’m convinced that the predominant reason that people have a second child is to prove to themselves that they know how to deal with a baby. Even though Zack and I are dead set on only having Maeve, I find myself constantly in an internal dialogue about what I would do differently the next time.

1. I would have swaddled less… Maeve is seven months old and can’t sleep for more than an hour if she isn’t bound up in the Kiddopotamus SwaddleMe Wrap, aka, the baby straightjacket.


2. We would have stayed away from the swing as a sleep device… Maeve will only sleep in my arms, the car, or that damn swing. She’s so heavy now that we burn through eight D batteries a week.


3. I would have offered a pacifier much, much earlier… Maeve won’t take one at all but needs the breast or my finger off and on all night, making sleep a bit of a joke.


4. I think I would have introduced co-sleeping earlier… Maeve isn’t interested in sleeping in our bed. I would love to have that option as a last resort.


5. I would have gotten Zack more involved in the nighttime and naptime routine… Maeve falls apart if I’m not there.

That said, there are many things I would repeat with this imaginary second baby. In particular, I’m very proud of the fact that we don’t let Maeve cry it out. I know many will say that her sleep problems are attributed to the fact that I go to her every time she cries in the night. That may be true, in fact, I’m sure it is! But lets examine what’s at stake here. Why does Maeve cry? Because it’s her only method of communication and simply because she needs something. She’s too cold, too hot, uncomfortable, hungry, wet, frightened, or just plain lonely. And don’t tell me that she’s manipulating me. She can’t even make the connection between pain and whacking herself in the face with a block and you’re going to tell me she’s working some calculated scheme to get me out of bed at night? Come on, people. Anyway, by letting her cry it out I’m not teaching her how to make herself warmer or cooler or more comfortable. She won’t learn to straighten her blankets or change her diaper. No matter how long I let her sob alone she will never just get up and get herself a snack. And although, if left long enough, she would likely get too tired and too frustrated to continue feeling frightened or alone, what am I really teaching her by letting her cry it out? That I’m not coming. That’s it. I’m teaching her that although I know she’s crying in an attempt to ask for someone’s help, no one is coming. I don’t see that to be a valuable lesson.

The whole principle behind attachment parenting is that it fosters a very confident child. If she knows you’re always there we she needs you, she is more confident and therefore more comfortable venturing out alone when she is older. This makes true, intuitive sense to me. I will admit that at 9:45, 11:10, 12:40, 1:22, and 4:30 this morning my theory felt a bit shaky but I really feel like I’m doing the right thing.

On a lighter, messier note, Maeve has entered the fabulously colorful world of finger foods. Enjoy…

Dessert Island Discs

If I ever record an album of covers, it will contain the following tracks:

Across the Universe – The Beatles
Nietzche’s Eyes – Paula Cole
And So Is Love – Kate Bush
The Other Side – David Gray
Easy – Lionel Richie
So Unsexy – Alanis Morissette
Putting the Damage On – Tori Amos
Blue – Joni Mitchell
Rabbit In Your Headlights – U.N.K.L.E.
Let Go – Frou Frou
Do What You Have to Do – Sarah McLachlan
One Flight Down – Norah Jones
Talk Show Host – Radiohead
Wild Horses – Rolling Stones
Time – Tom Waits
Feelin’ Alright – Joe Cocker


If I was auditioning for American Idol I’d sing I Drove All Night by Celine Dion. I’m serious… I would!